Anyone who knows me knows the simple fact that I love to knit. I have knitted for a very looooong time and do plan to continue, but....
There won't be any classes for awhile. What?! Yeah, I have to take a break from learning all the newest techniques, converting old Norwegian patterns into US and the like. Sad, I know.
How did I come to this realization you ask? Not easily I assure you. My very selfish self kept telling me I needed time for myself, this was my outlet---and it was , in a way. I was learning new skills, conquering knitting mountains if you will. AND my husband certainly thought I deserved these two hours out each week, mind you. Now lest you get some image of me chained to my stove or washer, rest assured, I do get out of the house.
But, at what expense? Let me explain and unpack this decision a bit. I am a Christian woman. I believe God has called me to home educate my children and take care of my home. These really are no simple or easy tasks to complete on a daily basis--there I said it! IT is hard! It is really hard. Also, trying to establish a hobby farm on top of it all.....yup, not easy. I could go on and on about all the daily challenges but I know you get it, your shaking your head in agreement aren't you? So why should two hours a week be hard to fit in? Because , during those two hours my husband is picking up the homeschooling. My job. Oh yes, you point out that those are his kiddo's too, he should be able to do it. Yes, he can. Yet, he would tell you not as capably as I . Why? Because it is *my job*. I could never walk into where he works and perform his job--no, not ever. Well, after returning to college and then putting in 25 years , yeah maybe then I could. The home schooling is clearly my field of expertise, the running of the house is my area of expertise, meal prep, shopping, scheduling, those are my areas of expertise. You see, on his days off he as his jobs to do and most concentrate on home and property maintenance. I am no expert in that area and most jobs I am not physically strong enough to do either.
God created men and women differently , yes, this is not the feminist , post-modern view, but you won't get that on this blog if you haven't figured this out by now. I am in no way implying that many jobs we are equally capable of, we are. Yet, in this marriage and children raising thing that God has called us to, there are different areas we are each better suited to.
Did I get off track? Where does knitting fit into this? Oh yes, the time factor. I had to ask myself some reflective questions. I rushed out the door to get to knitting, alot of times late because I needed to try to get breakfast and school work organized for those "left behind". Grabbing a Dunkin's coffee I arrived a bit exasperated, but eager to fix my mistakes from the latest project clearly beyond my knitting expertise. I sat with other women who while very nice didn't hold the same worldviews as I . Don't jump on me here! I mix with alot of different types and glad and happy to do it. BUT, the question here was am I spending time with those that will build me up and encourage me in my God given calling as a wife, mother and home schooler? Sadly, no.
When I returned from a time of trying to master new skills and remember them so I can apply them at home---yeah right! I came home to school books all over the place, the remnants of breakfast and snacks hary cary over the kitchen and while everyone was happy as a clam, Daddy has a total different approach to school work than Mom does (wink!), I felt overwhelmed. Now, I had a slight mess to clean up, the day to get back on track--well, you can get this can't you? Am I OCD? Maybe. I just wasn't finding enjoyment in this anymore. Is it my husband's fault, mine, kids? No. I just bought into that "time for me" from a worldview point of thinking. Now, I am not saying time for oneself is sinful or wrong, but I am saying *for me* I realized through some prayer that I don't need this time to feel contented. I was feeling deprived if I didn't get my monthly knitting lessons. This was definitely a very wrong way of thinking. There is nothing I am truly deprived of!
In my lamenting (whoa is me) to a very dear, older (not by much) , and much more spiritually mature friend I came to the conclusion that there is truly a season to everything in one's life. That Scripture has been hitting me between the eyes more than several times over the lasf few months! She shared how her sewing has been on the back burner for over 15 years because when she had four children all under the age of 6 she found herself trying to sew for them all, but losing her temper with their interruptions, letting the house go and getting pretty much out of kilter. This sweet friend reminded me that it is all about relationships, she stresses that alot with me:-) Guess what, her children are pretty much grown, but all still live with her and she still doesn't sew that much. She concentrates on her relationships with them while they are still home. Now lest you still think I am chained inside the house know that this dear friend and I may sew once or twice a month on a Friday afternoon. I don't school then--all done for the week! But if it interferes with the needs at home it will get postponed and I won't feel sour about it. And knit you ask? Yup, I will still knit. During quiet times or the evenings when children are in bed. No difficult projects. Patterns or techniques I know--no stress, just joyful knitting for those I love.
So, will I have all *my* needs met? I think so, I have this great promise:
"My God shall supply all of my needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus". Phillipians 4:19
Will there ever be more time to pursue the things I love to do? I think so, I have another great promise:
"To every thing there is a season, and a purpose under the heaven".
Eccleciastes 3:1
For those called by God to the challenges and rewards of home educating and being a "keeper at home", know your called to a very high calling and yes, there will be very different seasons in your life, those of self-sacrifice and those of abundance.
***I wrote this post in June of 2009. I just had to share that by being faithful God blesses us abundantly! I am currently hanging with my knit buddies and learning new things on Saturday mornings this Summer. Whether I continue after our Summer homeschool break is yet unknown. But, this I do know, God's timing is always perfect and one is always blessed when in His perfect will. Keep on being the keeper at home God designed you to be ladies!!! XOXO {yes, I will share my current project soon}
Good-on-ya!
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