The latest diagnosis is peripheral neuropathy. I lucked out and have it in both feet. It is painful, it is at times debilitating to my day(s). There is no cure, only pain management. That bit of information can cause depression and just a general mix of emotions that are hard to put a finger on.
When I can I will elaborate on things, but my hope is to share some encouragement-when God brings it to me. Today in my quiet time this verse spoke to me:
Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.
1 Peter 5:7 The Message Bible
This verse is what I needed today. I needed to be reminded that he cares for me affectionately and watchfully. Those two words right there nailed it, to my mind, how God feels about me, about you. I think we forget our God is a God of affection--like an earthly Father, but so much greater.
Dictionary.com gives this translation of watchful:
vigilant or alert; closely observant: The sentry remained watchful throughout the night.
We, (I), just can't fathom God's bigness, His greatness. God is not some spirit flitting about from soul to soul. He sees all, all the time. Can you understand that? I can't. Yet, this verse tells me he is like a sentry, a guard, a loving father, vigilantly watching over me day and night. That is just so HUGE to me! While I sleep, when I wake, when I cry, He is there.
I don't use The Message Bible , but the devotional I am using by Joyce Meyers mostly uses this translation. I admit to liking it, but also swinging back to the NKJV to see the translation for the daily verse. My women's study bible had this quote by Anne Bradstreet in the margin.
"Iron til it be thoroughly heated is incapable to be wrought; so God sees good to cast some men into the furnace of affliction, and then heats them on his anvil into what form he pleases."
Why am I suffering? Why this pain? Why no answers? Why now? Are these questions questions you have asked yourself? I have, sometimes daily. Then, as a follower of Christ, you have to ask yourself, well why not me? God never promised an easy peasey life, did he. We are told to be conformed to His image. Left to ourselves would we really take the time necessary to do this? If your anything like me, sinful, selfish, etc., probably not. Oh, we have the best of intentions, and sometimes we hit the mark, but for the most part, we all go along with our day, giving a nod to God and thanking Him here and there for the blessings (and there are many) He has given. Yet, He wants more. And these trials, these refining fires are what He uses to shape us, to draw us closer. At least I think so. I have no pat answers--only my own discoveries through this all.
But today, I know this: God cares for me affectionately and watches over me each minute of every hour, of every day. Amen!